newsy news

Posted on August 21, 2013 by ryan

Hey guys! I’m back, as promised, to let you all in on a little news. First, an “I’m sorry” to those friends and family who already know about this cause it’s not really news then in which case you’re bound to be disappointed.

For the rest of you, without further ado… guess who’s having a baby (!!!!)

This girl.

Yes, that’s right, I’m going to be an auntie! My little sister (Rachel) is just over 14 weeks, expecting a healthy baby—which I fully anticipate to be a girl. I’ve known about the bun for quite some time. In fact, about two weeks after she found out, I found out. It’s tough being so far away from my only sister with such exciting news, so I did what one does in this situation: I hopped into a car and went home (cause I needed to touch the barely there bump).

Since I have been baby-crazy for the last five years (okay, my whole life) I am so excited for this news and so excited to share it with you all. I already love Baby R so much and I know it will only grow. My sister has been a champ (I can only hope it runs in the family). She’s had only one bout of morning sickness and has really just been fighting fatigue. She looks great and is making this appear a tad too easy. As you would imagine, I’m mentally planning trips home, baby showers and an extended vacation near the due date.

Oh… and a big shout out to my brother (-in-law) Adam who had a big hand in making this whole thing happen.

(Hi little baby)

DSM to CLE and back

Posted on August 17, 2013 by ryan

This would be a great time for a catch-up post. It’s been almost two weeks (goodness!) since I took some time off work, jumped in a rental and drove the ten hours home to visit my family. (Shout out to books on CD for keeping me awake!) It was a bit of a whirlwind trip. Despite it usually feeling rushed, I like to keep some degree of regularity when it comes to seeing my family; time with them is always a bit of a recharge for me. This time was especially important (but more on that soon!!!).

It felt so good to jump back into the life I left as though I never did. As it always has been, staying with my mom, time is filled with laughter, home-cooked meals, coffee talk and I usually sleep like a baby. When I stay with my sister, there is always laughter (a common theme for our family: we love to laugh), deep talks about things that really matter and we’ll usually follow one another around the house just because. So this trip home, I stayed a bit with my mom, a bit with my sister, had breakfast and catch-up time with my lovely step-mother; had meals, shopping and time with some of my favorite friends; I packed as much as I could into the little time I had. I hit my bff’s sister’s wedding reception on Saturday as soon as I got in. On Sunday, after the usual Kate/Ryan ritual of Mexican food, I hit the road to go to my mom’s. She took the time I was home off work so we got to spend a good 2.5 days together. Saying goodbye (albeit temporarily) to my mom is never something that gets easier. I got the expected “the house is so quiet” phone call and it tugged at my heart.

I ended my CLE trip by staying two nights with my sister and her husband, then I packed up shop and headed to Chicago where I’d meet some Iowa friends for one day of Lollapalooza! I’ve never experienced anything quite like Lollapalooza. It was organized very well and I was only really disappointed with one show – everyone else brought it down. We started the day with The Neighbourhood, meandered over to Smith-Westerns from there, checked out Houndmouth (huge surprise! They’re amazing live!), cut that a little short to make it to Band of Horses (I desperately wanted to see them and they didn’t disappoint.), caught a private show by Frightened Rabbit, skipped Imagine Dragons because the crowd was so intense, saw the official show for Frightened Rabbit and then had it in mind to see some Lana Del Rey. Saying the Lana fans were out of control would be an under-statement. I was tired at that point, my feet hurt and I was getting pushed around by teenage girls clamoring to get up close to Lana. So I took it to the back and what I heard of Lana was really impressive. She sounded even better live.

(Chicago)

(Band of Horses!)

I wish I could bottle up the feeling of being home with my family; I know my words don’t paint near enough of a picture. The experience in the bottle would consist of waking up to the sound of country music and the smell of coffee that’s been on since 4 am when my mom wakes; seeing the sun come up and hearing the birds sing in the trees from the enclosed porch; walking in the grass with no shoes on, eating blueberries right from the bush; having heartfelt conversations with the ones I love fiercely and cooking recipes that my mom’s mom used to cook from (some of them literally taped to the inside of the kitchen cabinet doors). It was always a concern for me that my family lacks tradition. I went through a phase a few years ago where I felt like it was the most important thing. However, I realized being home that tradition is all around me. It may not be something as obvious as a family reunion every year but my family is warm, welcoming, refreshingly transparent and the things we do and the things we make are all in celebration of the time we get to spend together.

(Homecooked meal = worth the 10 hour drive)

waves

Posted on July 24, 2013 by ryan

When was the last time you did something that mattered to you?

I mean really mattered.

It could be something incredibly simple or something that matters enough to shake your core. For me, I realized today, I’m lacking in the core-shaking department.

I drove to Sioux City for work today. It was a gorgeous day for a three-hour drive west in my uber-posh Detroit dream-machine rental. I had the windows cracked and some Portugal. The Man. on the radio. I was about an hour outside of Sioux City when I started to smell the smell. Now, anyone that’s spent any time in Iowa knows what I’m talking about. (They say in Iowa corn is king but let me tell you that meat has an equal share of the kingdom.) It was the sickening sweet meat smell from the processing plants that are situated across the state. In fact, sometimes when the wind is right I can smell it outside my apartment floating over from the east side. After rolling up my windows, I thought about what might happen at those places. It disgusts me to consider it. Yet I’ll go into a restaurant and order a burger that probably started its voyage to my plate the very same way.

Like most of the personal revelations that make their way to this blog, it translates to my life as a whole. I can’t remember the last time I stood up for something that mattered to me. I can’t remember the last time I put my money where my mouth is, so to speak. You all know the kind of woman I want to be, so when did I stop chasing those dreams? A younger Ryan was a vegetarian in personal protest to animal treatment—and I stayed that way for five years (I wasn’t PETA-level crazy, guys). It became part of who I was. Eventually (probably for reasons of convenience and lack of proper protein) I went back to eating meat and tried not to think too much about where it came from.

My parents (all three of them) always taught me that I could do whatever I wanted. They gave me love no matter what I decided to do. They were on my side when I did well in school, when I was too lazy to care in college, when I was unemployed, when I moved to Cincinnati to go to school cause it seemed like a good idea and every subsequent endeavor whether it be success or failure. They never made me feel like there was something I couldn’t do. As a consequence, I think it’s taught me to love everything. I don’t have just one dream, I have many, many dreams. I think it’s left me in a constant neutral state as an adult. Instead of mastering just one thing and pursuing just that thing with my whole heart, I pursue many things with 1/4 of my heart.

I know too much about the things that do matter to me to ever feign ignorance. I know too much about food and I have very strong feelings about it, I know too much about exercise and the human body and eating right but I still offer myself the best of excuses as to why it’s okay not to live it out, I know too much about living whole-heartedly and being vulnerable yet I still choose to hold myself back; I struggle with the just do. I read a blog post recently by someone I really admire. She said “how you do anything is how you do everything.” I have been kicking that around and turning it over since reading that, trying to find how that fits and resonates in my life. And it does. I always thought my life was waiting to happen. That things would really get going for me when I found my purpose. And as all of you good people may already know, I learned that my life is happening now. So if I follow the “how you do anything is how you do anything” principle, how I procrastinate about the minutiae of life is how I treat my life as a whole; how I treat most days is (in reality) how I treat all the days. I want that thought to light the motivation fire that I’ve spent so much time lamenting the loss of.

So that takes me back to where I started… when was the last time you did something that really mattered to you? Is that something you think about when making decisions—is this something that matters to me? I know that for me, I’m going to have to keep that top of mind and chase those things. It doesn’t come as naturally to me as it might to you but it’s a noble pursuit to chase it.

stuff I love: music edition

Posted on July 15, 2013 by ryan

I can’t even believe that for as much as I love music, I have yet to do a music-related blog entry. I finally feel like I have some decent music taste so why not share it with you all? (That was a little backhanded compliment to me, from me—did you see what I did there…)

I am drawn to music that I wouldn’t be able to make myself. Granted, I can’t make music at all but I’m really drawn to the nuances in songs that take it from being only okay to being something truly magical. Spotify is pretty much the best invention ever (I say that a lot, I think). It completely changed the way I listen to music. I used to have to rely on friends and the old standby, NPR, to find good new music. While NPR is still trusty, Spotify recommends obscure bands that I may not have found on my own (and when I say “on my own” what I really mean is Under the Radar Magazine). If you don’t have Spotify, I highly recommend you get it. I happily pay for my subscription every month so I can listen to it outside wi-fi (like at work). The picks below are just some of the songs/bands that would show up on my top plays because they’re on constantly.

From the top:

Haerts – Their song “Wings” has pretty much been on repeat since I found it. It’s produced by St. Lucia (whom I love) and there’s the perfect mix of 80’s pop and synthy-electronic. I don’t normally get into girl singers (cause I hold them to a higher standard when it comes to music – their voices all sound the same to me) but this girl is a mixture of The Bangles and Gwen Stefani. I am really into it and I can’t wait till they release an EP or a full-length album because I want more!

Bronze Radio Return – Up, On & Over. Amaze. I can listen to this entire album which is a rarity for me. They have a great mixture of twang, tambourine and banjo without being country. It’s easily my go-to when I’m at work and I want something fun.

Pacific Air – I don’t remember how I found them. I decided to give a listen recently and have been playing it often since. I think it was the song Sunshine that converted me. They’re kind of My Morning Jacket meets Temper Trap.

The National – Obvi this had to be on here. I started playing High Violet two years too late, so to say I eagerly anticipated this album would be an understatement. Trouble Will Find me is the perfect follow up to an album I enjoyed so well. I can’t stop listening to Humiliation and I Should Live in Salt (and Demons). I think if I ever met Matt Berninger, I’d ask him what the heck he’s singing about. I never have any idea. For example, I recently read that Humiliation is about drones ruining a dinner party — I would have never guessed that. Whether I know what he’s singing about or not, I love the melancholy sound and Matt Berninger’s baritone; it compliments the music, which itself is unfussy and stands on its own beautifully.

Lord Huron – Lonesome Dreams. This is another indie-country album that I can listen to from beginning to end. There are a few surprises (the percussion is a really nice touch) and it just makes this album solid.

Fitz & the Tantrums – Okay, okay—I know all the cool kids have been listening to Fitz forevs but I’m just now getting on that train. It’s a super fun summer album. The Walker is heavy on repeat around here. In the car with the windows down, in the apt while I’m cleaning; it’s catchy and gets stuck in my head. Listen to it.

The Neighbourhood – Album: I Love You. Thank you NPR for this one! Sweater Weather was the first song I heard and it’s probably number two in my Spotify top plays (after Wings, of course). This album is hard to describe. It doesn’t sound like anything I’ve listened to in a while cause it’s kind of hip-hop meets indie pop. It’s produced really well and I was really surprised to like this album as much as I do. Try it out so you can say you got in on the ground floor.

Jeff Buckley – Oldie but always good. Grace is an album I can revisit time and time again—and I have recently. Lover, You Should Have Come Over may be one of the best songs written (I know saying that is a tall order). He just sings it with such conviction (as he does most of the songs on the album), raw passion and honesty. Jeff Buckley was a huge talent and it’s easy to hear why.

stitchfix and a shout-out

Posted on June 25, 2013 by ryan

Anyone who knows me knows that I’m easily excited. Maybe you guys know that about me already? So when I (with added facilitation) stumbled on a little thing called StitchFix, I got really excited about it. It didn’t take long for me to sign up, get accepted and schedule my first delivery (called a “fix”). And it’s not just because I hate shopping for myself—cause I really do. It was more of a chance to have fun with shopping. When I lived in Ohio, I’d “shop” my sister’s closet and accessories and wonder why I don’t have more fun with what I wear. The sad truth is that I have an overwhelming amount of grey in my wardrobe and don’t even get me started on the same Target pocket tee I have in every color they make. And as you may remember, my go-to is to add a scarf to everything. StitchFix seemed like a chance for me to do one better. The premise: I fill out a style profile and someone else picks out something on-trend just for me and I get a little “care package” (if you will) of goodies. It’s like a present (that I pay for). I can either keep it all, just a few items or send it all back. I can schedule these fixes as often as my paycheck allows and they can even gear the fixes toward special occasions if I tell them. Listen, I know that I’m sounding sales-y here but I think it’s a brilliant idea! Here are my top three reasons why: 1. I’d rather try on clothes in the comfort of my own home; 2. I like getting packages; 3. it’s too easy for me to screw up.

I got my first fix on Saturday and what was inside was exactly my style. Friends, if you want to check this out, let’s both get credit—shall we? http://stitchfix.com/sign_up?referrer_id=3109266

Huge thanks to this blogger for the information: Justine at Stop Me if You’ve Heard This One. Guys, she’s hilarious. And enviably stylish.

a goal

Posted on June 10, 2013 by ryan

I’m sitting in my running clothes as I write this post about running. I’m waiting for the blistering Iowa sun to go down a touch in hopes the humidity will too and I can hit the streets with a bit of cool. Even though it was 108 degrees in Vegas, it’s got nothing on this midwestern humidity.

In my last blog post I mentioned that my dear friend wants to run a half marathon, which I agreed to do. Let me walk you through my love/hate relationship with running in order to arrive at how I agreed to get to this stage—that of training for my first half-marathon.

When I was in high school I hated running. I joined the soccer team for the sole reason that my sister asked me to. She was already an established soccer superstar and she wanted to have the opportunity of playing the same sport while we were in school together. Making memories—you get it. No illusions here, people, I was not a good soccer player. Nevermind that I’d played indoor on and off. Everything in outdoor soccer was different: the field size, no walls, my really good opponents and practice. Early on, I loathed soccer practice. I wasn’t really used to running all that much (or burpees or working out). We ran a.lot and even though I spent most of my time not scoring goals and sitting on the bench, I did learn to appreciate the exercise aspect associated with practice and consequently with running. After my brief stint with soccer, I continued running occasionally. After a break for a few years I started back up by running with the same dear friend who wants to run the half. We’d run the steps at Nippert Stadium or run after hours on the track field at UC.

After a time we both ended up back at home in Northeast Ohio. We’d run the streets or at the dam (where all the local runners go). I completed my first 5k which was a pretty big deal at the time. Then my relationship with running changed completely. I met someone who propelled my occasional running to something much more serious; it became a passion. I ran because that’s what you do when you’re together with a runner. I started reading magazines about it and articles on the internet. I bought some official looking gear and got my first iPod Shuffle. I started spending more time and money on running shoes. I got a Camelback as a gift. I’d run on my own, I’d run at the gym, we’d run together in the blazing summer heat. I began wearing headbands to mop up the sweat from my brow on longer running days. I loved running. Then the best thing happened—my sister joined in. Then her husband. Running became more than just running for me. It became something I did with the people I loved and it became quality time that I really treasured. Running with my sister was a way for us to reconnect. She’d talk and talk and talk while I ran beside her, forgetting my discomfort by listening to her words. Running has been a part of my life, sometimes large and sometimes small, for the last decade.

I look at where I am now and I’ve never been less involved in my passion. I’ve never run alone, it’s always been as part of a team. I’ve never had to ignite this fire on my own. I recognize that and I want to change it. What better way to change it than to sign up for a half-marathon (okay, there are probably better ways but I say ‘go big’). This is definitely a mountain sized goal for me and not one I take lightly. There’s beauty to me in the notion of doing what our bodies are designed to do. We’re designed to move, so move I shall. I know what I want and tonight starts the training to get there.

on excuses (sort-of)

Posted on May 29, 2013 by ryan

I don’t like excuses. I never have. It’s not to say that sometimes there isn’t a really valid reason why you did/didn’t do something. I think the reason I don’t like them is that I know (deep down) there really is no excuse for my not doing the things I should do. (Example: yes, my kitchen is small but that doesn’t mean it’s okay to let the dishes pile up in the tiny sink.) Excuses are the first thing to flood my mind when a challenge is presented. (Example: my dear friend wants to run a half-marathon in five months. My first thought is ‘I can’t do it’.) I’m sure this has a lot to do with psychology and negativity and whatnot but that’s an idea I don’t really have the desire to explore cause I’ll just confuse you and I’ll confuse myself. I have a point with this blog entry and I want to stick to it – for your sake, friends.

The working title of this blog started in my head as ‘reasons why I don’t write’. Then I realized that it’s bigger than that; it’s about my relationship with excuses. To me, excuses are like a vapor: they float in and fog up my end-goal; they confuse and disorient me and I can’t grasp them. I’m a little too good at giving myself excuses and as a consequence, I sort of end up shaming myself. Crazy, right?! The way I deal with this shame is to close in on myself. I cut out everyone and everything, I go dark on social media (yes, even Instagram), I shuffle on through my life keeping my eyes down. I retreat – all because of excuses. That brings us to writing. I know a lot of bloggers (not that I’m calling myself a “blogger”) struggle with finding their voice, consistency in writing and building a readership. I know the only way to build my readership is to write consistently. I feel like, when I’m in this self-shamed-state, that I don’t want to write. I get so tired of myself and as a consequence I feel like you all will be tired of me too. I feel like nothing I’m writing will be of any real gain. Before this spirals into a web-based pity-party, I’m going to continue my original idea giving you reasons I don’t write. Without further adieu:

reasons I don’t write:

My phone deleted all my pictures (long story – not my fault) so any picture blogging I had planned came to a halt. I say “my phone” but it was really a misunderstanding between my phone, a work PC and a camera. I’d never blame Apple for something like that.
I still kind of hate it that I don’t completely understand WordPress. I’m going to have to resign myself to the fact that I’m simply not a person that can teach myself. I need someone to teach me. My ‘WordPress for Dummies’ remains uncracked.
There’s cat litter on my desk which my cats use as a glorified perch. How is one expected to have a creative space when there are two cats running around like crazies, leaving a trail of litter everywhere (did I mention my apartment is small. Small space + two litterboxes = mayhem).
I’m not really super happy about anything going on at the moment. Springtime is fantastic – don’t get me wrong. I love the city and I love my apartment… but I can’t muster up the modicum of happiness required to put into a blog entry.
See aforementioned “excuse” of closing in on myself – I’m kind of floating around in there right now.
I’m overly critical. Of everything.
Once I stop being regular about writing, it’s easier to stay on track that way than it is to get a thoughtful post up.

It’s not that I don’t want to blog. Cause I do. In fact, I’ve even thought about maybe putting some effort toward writing a book of essays. Please just forgive me for this awkward time of in-betweenness. I’m going to get better, I promise. After all, if I want to be the next David Sedaris, I have to start somewhere.

P.S. I’m headed to Vegas in t-6 days. Something good will come out of that, surely! Right?!

my very own chopped

Posted on May 6, 2013 by ryan

You know that cooking show on the Food Network, Chopped?

For those of you who aren’t familiar, let me introduce you. There are four chefs to start and they have to cook through appetizer, entree and dessert in a timed cooking challenge. After each round, one of the chefs is ‘chopped’ (perfect, right?!). The curve ball to this cooking show is that the chefs all get a basket with a few ingredients (example: a whole fish, daikon radish, matcha powder and gummi bears) and all the ingredients must be present on the plate for the judging (and it has to taste good, obvi).

The connection between my life and the hit television show is that lately, it’s been like the basket on Chopped when it comes to cooking anything for myself. Except it’s a race against time which isn’t a clock but rotting produce. I haven’t quite learned to control myself in the produce section at the grocery. I get really excited when I see rows and rows of fresh produce in every color of the rainbow. Eggplant, zucchini, squash, kale, cauliflower, tomatoes—I can’t help myself. As a consequence, I come home with much more than I need for myself and end up wasting and I can’t stand wasting produce.

Last week, as produce was rotting away in my fridge and I contemplated Orange Leaf for dinner—again—I decided to get up off the couch and cook something. So with the aid of some classic Jeff Buckley (and some red wine) I got busy. I cut up and boiled a head of cauliflower, I broke out my cast iron ovenware, I set to work chopping some sweet potatoes and apples and lovingly placed them in the dutch oven with some pork chops that I’d seasoned. I drown it all in some vegetable stock and threw it in the oven. It was, effectively, my own version of Chopped without the gummi bears.

what’s going on?

Posted on April 17, 2013 by ryan

I have to tell you, time has completely escaped me lately! I had to make an unexpected trip back to Ohio last week on the heels of my extensive vacation while Rach was in town. My grandpa passed away so my mom flew me home so I was able to be with my family. While it’s never easy in those situations of loss and mourning, it sure was good to see my family. I just wanted to give you all a quick little update to keep the blog momentum going!

The National : I am supremely obsessed with them lately. As the self-proclaimed queen of melancholy music I don’t know how I wasn’t a groupie before now. I say that because I have ‘High Violet’ on repeat and I’m pretty sure it’s very two-years-ago. Bloodbuzz Ohio was my theme song on the trip home.

Orange Leaf : I am thisclose to needing an intervention. It’s right around the corner from my apartment and that spells danger.

Family : So I was home for my grandpa’s funeral recently and my sister and I stumbled on a treasure trove of family goodies. There were some old pictures of my grandma from when she was a girl and I found myself getting lost in them. They were just black and whites but she was such a lovely girl. I got lost in the idea of the picture-taking itself. Those photos were simply a moment in time, captured on film back in the 30’s and 40’s. They are surprisingly special to me. We also found our great-grandma’s journals from the 80’s and 90’s. I was able to see another side of her that I was too young to know. She was as pure as the driven snow. I think about my own journals/diaries and how they’re loaded up with feelings and desperate attempts to sort myself out. Hers were so much more of the day-to-day activities and had such little family gossip and really focused on her hopes for her loved ones. Seems I get my optimism affliction honestly.

Shoes : Okay, this one is less of a proper “update” but I got myself some new running shoes today. The last time I went running I had foot pain (what’s that about?! Certainly not that I’m the 3-0). We’ll give those little babies a try when we stop getting this monsoon that’s forecasted for the next two days.

Remy : I’m starting to get the distinct feeling that she’s lonely. For the first time last night, since we moved in to our place, I caught her playing. The rest of the time she’s hiding in the closet, looking out the window by the bed or following me around. I’m considering getting another cat. Be warned: I’m dangerously close to being a cat-lady based on my ‘cat to square footage’ ratio.

Reading : I’ve got a lot of irons in the fire on this one. I just finished an amazing book called “One Last Thing Before I Go” by Jonathan Tropper. Amazing. I’m also reading the new Gwyneth Paltrow Cookbook, Unbroken (still), Love 2.0, A New Earth, and another Jonathan Tropper book.

Looking forward to : warmer weather that motivates me to get out of bed early, organizing my kitchen, the new National album, learning how to use my new digital-I’m-a-real-photographer-camera (!!!), and maybe trying out Cross-Fit. I’ve been getting that summertime feeling of wanting to learn something new. Last week it was playing the drums, this week it’s knitting. I can assure you, I have enough to learn on my plate (um, WordPress, still) but I’m hoping to channel my creativity into something.

Lastly, I am loving my Olive Button earrings. I have mustard and chambray and am eyeing the gray chevron to add to my burgeoning collection.

Whew. That was a lot of stuff but I’m glad we’re all caught up, you guys.

on spring

Posted on April 4, 2013 by ryan

Spring is here!

We have been enjoying some wonderful weather of late here in Des Moines. It felt for a moment as though we’d never escape the grasp of winter—we were still receiving snow up to two weeks ago. However that seems to have been relieved by this burst of 60 degree weather.

Spring is notoriously a time for renewal; a time when new life blooms on the ground and in the air; love of life and circumstance is all around. People are out running, walking, taking their dogs out and babies out and that’s really easy to see here in such a walkable city. Driving with the windows down, I am encouraged to see runners out hitting the pavement. Maybe they’re shaking off their winter treadmill blues or maybe they’re energized into this new endeavor by the breath of fresh air accompanied with the change in weather. Either way, it got me to thinking. If there’s anything I’ve noticed, it’s that this life wraps people up in the pursuit of betterment. It’s something I’ve felt so alone in at times but it’s striking to realize that it’s something most all of us share as a common bond. We’re all seeking personal improvement—exercising, eating well, furthering education, attending church—it’s all in the noble pursuit of being better people. It’s probably one of the reasons springtime is so magical.

So here’s to spring! Here’s to new, healthier habits. Here’s to breaking down old walls. Here’s to new beginnings and falling in love with our surroundings. Here’s to being happy right where we are instead of looking off into where we’re not. Here’s to open windows, sunglasses, the smell of grilling, the song of birds and whatever else moves you to happiness, friends.

a girl called ryan

Author Archives: ryan