The following are some real things my dad has said since coming to Des Moines:

“It’s so tiny!” (regarding my apartment)

“I’m going to put her in my suitcase and take her home.” (regarding Lily the cat)

“I can see why you love it here.” (regarding DSM)

“So on Paleo you can’t have cereal?” (same question twice regarding the Paleo diet)

“Everybody is good looking.” (overheard during a phone conversation regarding people in DSM)

“So apparently tall boots are in?” (that one’s pretty clear)